1. Comfortable with the names and manifestations of the five basic emotions, i.e., pain, fear, anger, love and joy. Identifies and expresses these emotions and can listen empathically to them
2. Recognizes defensive overreactions as emotional allergies based on painful memories. Takes responsibility to reduce, control and change inappropriate responses.
3. Recognizes being emotionally open vs. emotionally closed. When feeling attacked, threatened, or denied, evaluates reality by checking out speaker’s meaning and intent, rather than assuming and reacting defensively via rationalizing-explaining-justifying, withdrawing, avoiding, or fighting back.
4. Expresses pain, fear and anger without attacking or blaming.
5. Listens without interjecting self-concerns. Creates and maintains emotional safety for others.
6. Uses anger constructively to assert self, set limits, define boundaries, and effectively solve problems. Expresses anger appropriately and safely to release suppressed emotions.
7. Believes in ones’ own value. Feels lovable and good enough without having to be perfect. Accepts having healthy needs and actively pursues getting them met, including the biological needs for physical closeness and emotional openness in an intimate relationship.
8. Experiences and expresses emotions of a type and at an intensity that appropriately fits and that sustains action in accord with one’s purpose, intention, and circumstances (emotional efficacy).